Whether we like it or not, each of us brings baggage with us to any relationship, with the idea that our emotional suitcases matter.
We've also been led to believe that baggage is the cause of our marital problems. When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don't matter.
Our childhoods were neither perfect nor happy. We both struggled with issues in our past, as we all do. Joel struggled with his parents' divorce and his father's remarriage to a member of his congregation.
Joel's brother first introduced him to drugs, and by middle school he was already in too deep.
Joel was unable to emotionally mature past about where a ten year old would be. He was still that child inside an adult's body by the time we got married.
Add to this my own stumbling blocks. Before I had even started kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.
This experience, along with the ensuing court trial, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When the first day of kindergarten came, things weren't much better for me.
After a boy in my class fooled me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed that I would never return to school. I couldn't. During the rest of my schooling I was the girl who also seemed to be the object of jokes.
Years after, I brought this weight with me to my marriage. When we entered marriage counseling, we were told that my baggage was the cause of our marital problems. This was really bad Christian marriage advice, but it was something we trusted because almost all the people we knew believed in it.
What I didn't realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.
My abuser had taken away my power just as Joel was once again taking my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I felt so long ago.
To say that Joel was afraid of the hefty baggage I was holding on to would be an understatement. He would say, "Go talk to your girlfriends, or talk to God.". I can't handle this; it is just too heavy for me!" I exploded because of his unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain. Our marriage was headed for failure.
But I'm here to tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a man can love his wife and heal her.
I've been able to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past, and I'm whole now. It's all because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel's unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.
Because he has provided me with pure and unlimited love, Joel has also healed. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God. Amen. - 29956
We've also been led to believe that baggage is the cause of our marital problems. When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don't matter.
Our childhoods were neither perfect nor happy. We both struggled with issues in our past, as we all do. Joel struggled with his parents' divorce and his father's remarriage to a member of his congregation.
Joel's brother first introduced him to drugs, and by middle school he was already in too deep.
Joel was unable to emotionally mature past about where a ten year old would be. He was still that child inside an adult's body by the time we got married.
Add to this my own stumbling blocks. Before I had even started kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.
This experience, along with the ensuing court trial, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When the first day of kindergarten came, things weren't much better for me.
After a boy in my class fooled me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed that I would never return to school. I couldn't. During the rest of my schooling I was the girl who also seemed to be the object of jokes.
Years after, I brought this weight with me to my marriage. When we entered marriage counseling, we were told that my baggage was the cause of our marital problems. This was really bad Christian marriage advice, but it was something we trusted because almost all the people we knew believed in it.
What I didn't realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.
My abuser had taken away my power just as Joel was once again taking my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I felt so long ago.
To say that Joel was afraid of the hefty baggage I was holding on to would be an understatement. He would say, "Go talk to your girlfriends, or talk to God.". I can't handle this; it is just too heavy for me!" I exploded because of his unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain. Our marriage was headed for failure.
But I'm here to tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a man can love his wife and heal her.
I've been able to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past, and I'm whole now. It's all because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel's unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.
Because he has provided me with pure and unlimited love, Joel has also healed. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God. Amen. - 29956
About the Author:
You're going to want to claim your FREE DVD today that reveals the #1 secret to an outrageously happy marriage that my husband and I have discovered after more than four years of helping more than 10,000 couples to improve (and many times save!) their marriages. Visit our Christian marriage help site and claim the free DVD.
