Holidays can activate powerful emotional charges, calling forth as much distress as joy. These "emotional charges" may be connected with past memories or with wishes you have in the present for yourself, and those you love. This article reveals practical strategies for creating a more fulfilling and less stressful holiday experience, no matter which holiday it happens to be: religious or cultural, or personal celebrations such as birthdays and anniversaries of all kinds.
Romantic and family holidays are the ones that tend to activate the strongest emotional charges in most people:
* Family-focused holidays include Christmas for Christians, the High Holy Days & Passover for Jews, Thanksgiving in the U.S. & Canada, and so forth.
* Examples of holidays that are more romantically focused include not only anniversaries but New Years Eve, Valentines Day, and sometimes even office holiday parties.
There are seven key dimensions that can help you create a nourishing holiday experience for yourself and those with whom you will be spending that holiday. They are:
1. CELEBRATIONS & PLAYFULNESS: Even the most serious of holidays, with few exceptions, tend to have lighter sides to them. Consider whether you would benefit from emphasizing this aspect more. You don't have to get rid of old traditions that continue to be nourishing. Just consider replacing some of the old rituals that don't work well anymore with new possibilities that could be more light-hearted. Want some playful holiday celebration ideas? How about a family snowball fight or a drive in the country? What about going to a concert or movie? There is no end to creative ways to be playful or celebratory.
2. SPIRITUAL EXPRESSION: Some holidays may carry a deeper or more sacred significance for you that you might wish to honor in some way. Which activities help you express your spiritual connection to this holiday? Examples of spiritual expression include meditating, prayer, attending services or rituals that are part of your chosen religious or spiritual tradition, volunteering in a soup kitchen or making other donations to charity, reading stories about the origins of the holidays you're celebrating, etc.
3. REMEMBERING: We all know that some holidays seem like inevitable appointments with revisiting the past. Sometimes those past memories are painful and sometimes they are nostalgic or even pleasant. This can be intensified by the loss of someone precious during the past year, when a loved one is dealing with a major life upheaval, or when someone you love seeing during a particular holiday isn't available this time around. For all of these reasons it may be important to build in some time to talk about these things. Depending on the circumstance, you might do this alone or with others. This is important because missing people and missed times past tend to attend many holidays whether invited or not. So, pull up a chair for them.
4. COMPLETING & LOOKING FORWARD: Sometimes a holiday is a natural call to review your last year and envision how you want your upcoming year to be different. Whether you do this alone, with others, or both, make a point of building this into appropriate holidays as well. New Year is the time when the pull for doing this tends to be the strongest for most people. Make a point of revisiting the things you learned and are grateful for from the past year, the things that are incomplete for you from the past year, and the passions and goals you have for this coming year. Consider including a review of how you created this holiday this year, and your vision for how to upgrade this holiday even more next year. (Moving beyond long-standing traditions -- even those that are non-serving -- can take years. Celebrate the incremental progress each year and focus on a next best step for next year rather than trying to complete a holiday's transformation in only one or two years.)
5. GIVING & SPENDING: Many holidays are times of giving, and doing this can feel deeply nourishing. At the same time, it's important to not fall into the trap of over-giving. Over-giving includes spending more money on gifts than is wise for you, more energy cooking than your life balance allows, or too much time with people you'd rather not be with. Giving without regard to your own boundaries inevitably leads to resentment and exhaustion. An "Over-Giving Prevention Plan" can help: a commitment to pure giving out of love rather than contaminated giving out of guilt. Find your limits based on the life energy you have rather than relying on "shoulds" or expectations. Pay attention not only to the total amounts of time and money you reasonably have, and within that to balancing the amount of time or money you devote to each particular task, activity or person. Here's the simplest measure of overgiving: if you notice yourself becoming resentful you're probably over-giving. What can you give and spend, and with whom, without resentment? How much money can you spend on gifts (or how much time can you spend making gifts) and sending holiday cards, and for whom, without becoming resentful? Allow yourself to get honest with yourself and live in alignment with your boundaries and your integrity.
6. PERSONAL RE-CENTERING ACTIVITIES: One of the biggest traps people fall into with holidays is falling out of life balance in preparing for them or in celebrating them. Self-neglect poisons holidays. The antidote is honoring your personal boundaries. Keep up your self-care habits. Because of how seductive some holidays can be it is wise to make your self-care commitments beforehand. Reserve the right to take "time outs", whether from being with others or from the general hustle and bustle. Take frequent walks, touch base with friends who know how to keep you on track, write in your journal, attend support group meetings, and above all, keep eating well, moving your body, and getting enough sleep. Select the self-care and re-centering activities that are best for you and make using them a priority.
7. PLANNING FOR GLITCHES: If you're honest with yourself you know beforehand the hurts, fights or other distresses are likely to surface when your family gets together for holidays. Give yourself a break and plan ahead. Here's how: list all the incidents you suspect could occur. Select new actions you'll take for each one so that you take better care of yourself should that situation arise.
I know from personal experience that these strategies really do work to support joy and love during any holiday. I wish you a nourishing holiday experience! - 29956
Romantic and family holidays are the ones that tend to activate the strongest emotional charges in most people:
* Family-focused holidays include Christmas for Christians, the High Holy Days & Passover for Jews, Thanksgiving in the U.S. & Canada, and so forth.
* Examples of holidays that are more romantically focused include not only anniversaries but New Years Eve, Valentines Day, and sometimes even office holiday parties.
There are seven key dimensions that can help you create a nourishing holiday experience for yourself and those with whom you will be spending that holiday. They are:
1. CELEBRATIONS & PLAYFULNESS: Even the most serious of holidays, with few exceptions, tend to have lighter sides to them. Consider whether you would benefit from emphasizing this aspect more. You don't have to get rid of old traditions that continue to be nourishing. Just consider replacing some of the old rituals that don't work well anymore with new possibilities that could be more light-hearted. Want some playful holiday celebration ideas? How about a family snowball fight or a drive in the country? What about going to a concert or movie? There is no end to creative ways to be playful or celebratory.
2. SPIRITUAL EXPRESSION: Some holidays may carry a deeper or more sacred significance for you that you might wish to honor in some way. Which activities help you express your spiritual connection to this holiday? Examples of spiritual expression include meditating, prayer, attending services or rituals that are part of your chosen religious or spiritual tradition, volunteering in a soup kitchen or making other donations to charity, reading stories about the origins of the holidays you're celebrating, etc.
3. REMEMBERING: We all know that some holidays seem like inevitable appointments with revisiting the past. Sometimes those past memories are painful and sometimes they are nostalgic or even pleasant. This can be intensified by the loss of someone precious during the past year, when a loved one is dealing with a major life upheaval, or when someone you love seeing during a particular holiday isn't available this time around. For all of these reasons it may be important to build in some time to talk about these things. Depending on the circumstance, you might do this alone or with others. This is important because missing people and missed times past tend to attend many holidays whether invited or not. So, pull up a chair for them.
4. COMPLETING & LOOKING FORWARD: Sometimes a holiday is a natural call to review your last year and envision how you want your upcoming year to be different. Whether you do this alone, with others, or both, make a point of building this into appropriate holidays as well. New Year is the time when the pull for doing this tends to be the strongest for most people. Make a point of revisiting the things you learned and are grateful for from the past year, the things that are incomplete for you from the past year, and the passions and goals you have for this coming year. Consider including a review of how you created this holiday this year, and your vision for how to upgrade this holiday even more next year. (Moving beyond long-standing traditions -- even those that are non-serving -- can take years. Celebrate the incremental progress each year and focus on a next best step for next year rather than trying to complete a holiday's transformation in only one or two years.)
5. GIVING & SPENDING: Many holidays are times of giving, and doing this can feel deeply nourishing. At the same time, it's important to not fall into the trap of over-giving. Over-giving includes spending more money on gifts than is wise for you, more energy cooking than your life balance allows, or too much time with people you'd rather not be with. Giving without regard to your own boundaries inevitably leads to resentment and exhaustion. An "Over-Giving Prevention Plan" can help: a commitment to pure giving out of love rather than contaminated giving out of guilt. Find your limits based on the life energy you have rather than relying on "shoulds" or expectations. Pay attention not only to the total amounts of time and money you reasonably have, and within that to balancing the amount of time or money you devote to each particular task, activity or person. Here's the simplest measure of overgiving: if you notice yourself becoming resentful you're probably over-giving. What can you give and spend, and with whom, without resentment? How much money can you spend on gifts (or how much time can you spend making gifts) and sending holiday cards, and for whom, without becoming resentful? Allow yourself to get honest with yourself and live in alignment with your boundaries and your integrity.
6. PERSONAL RE-CENTERING ACTIVITIES: One of the biggest traps people fall into with holidays is falling out of life balance in preparing for them or in celebrating them. Self-neglect poisons holidays. The antidote is honoring your personal boundaries. Keep up your self-care habits. Because of how seductive some holidays can be it is wise to make your self-care commitments beforehand. Reserve the right to take "time outs", whether from being with others or from the general hustle and bustle. Take frequent walks, touch base with friends who know how to keep you on track, write in your journal, attend support group meetings, and above all, keep eating well, moving your body, and getting enough sleep. Select the self-care and re-centering activities that are best for you and make using them a priority.
7. PLANNING FOR GLITCHES: If you're honest with yourself you know beforehand the hurts, fights or other distresses are likely to surface when your family gets together for holidays. Give yourself a break and plan ahead. Here's how: list all the incidents you suspect could occur. Select new actions you'll take for each one so that you take better care of yourself should that situation arise.
I know from personal experience that these strategies really do work to support joy and love during any holiday. I wish you a nourishing holiday experience! - 29956
About the Author:
Stop by Dr. Gruder's website to learn why having great personal boundaries is a master life skill for creating sustainable happiness and to upgrade your boundaries intelligence.
